Spitting Image

NEW BLOG

2009-10-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, its been a while since I've posted because I've been busy writing/performing/recording new songs. I've started a new blog/mission statement called I am an Orchestra.

I'm working on final mixes of two songs right now, Alone Together, and Get Away. "til I found You" is next, a song that whose ending is somewhat inspired by the film "500 Days of Summer."
This album is a blend of my favorite things about music and steals heavily from my favorite artists in ways that may or may not be obvious to the casual listener.
I get tired of hearing people describe their music as something new and unlike anything else when at first listen their a bland copy of The Dave Matthews Band or yet another acoustic guitar playing loop pedal abuser.
I am listening deeply to music to find and learn to recreate the essence of what I love about artists like Cat Stevens, Dr. Dog, Spoon, St. Vincent, The Beatles, Counting Crows, Van Morrison, Tom Waits, Thom Yorke, Gavin Castleton, Danny Elfman, Elbow, and Elvis Costello.

here's some lyrics from the unrecorded gershwin-esque "The Right Combination"

I've tried candy, I've tried flowers, I've tried staying up all night on the phone for hours
but I still don't have the right combination to unlock your heart.

I've tried champagne, I've tried roses, I've been standing next to you striking handsome poses
but I still don't have the right combination to unlock your heart.

Was it two turns to the left, one to the right, or was it three?
Were my love songs out of tune, or did I just forget the key?
What were the secret words to make you fall for me?
Did I stutter "I love you," did I mutter "marry me?"
well, I still don't have the right combination to unlock your heart

I'll try begging, but not stealing. What's it take to give you that funny feeling,
cuz I still don't have the right combination to unlock your heart.

Valentines Day

2009-02-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

I've been away from my blog for some time, but I thought I'd come out of hiding long enough to unveil our latest shirt. Just in time for Valentines Day!

I have been busy trying to become a Guitar Hero. Since I went to a well known music school to be a jazz saxophonist only to drop the sax, focus on songwriting, and change my prinicipal instrument to beginner guitarist, I never really went through the "learn to play smoke on the water/stairway/crazy train/(fill in overplayed riff based song)" phase that most teenage guitarists do. So at 28 years old I bought a book of transcriptions and I'm working my way through Queen's "Killer Queen," having finally mastered the classical intro to Heart's "Crazy On You" and Dick Dale's "Misirlou." I'm also teaching guitar part-time again, and my students want to learn to play things like "The Beast and the Harlot," "Pinball Wizard," or "Don't Fear the Reaper." That means I have to figure them out first. So if you don't see me on blogger much, thats why.

Woke Up Alone

2008-12-09T11:06:00.000-08:00

I made my first short film/ music video, pairing a song a wrote on ukelele with a script I wrote. I was a bit worried about presenting it to my three classmates, because, although I knew one of them was into Eraseread (as am I), I didn't know how far I could push the envelope of weird and whimsical with the other two. It turns out they were all about it and aside from our actor having to cancel one day of shooting due to an emergency trip to Tijuana to bail his brothers out of a Mexican prison, the shoot went quite smoothly and the film turned out pretty much how we imagined it.

It started with the song and this papier mache' candy bowl kit by Martha Stewart, which I reappropriated into a mask.

Then when I really got the hang of making solid masks, I made these other two papier mache' beasties

This is the costume I donned for my performance as the band leader, obviously inspired by my love of day of the dead folk art

This is my favorite, partly inspired by the weird baby in David Lynch's Erasherhead, which I gave to Cameron, who played the drummer.

We also made a fake toaster with a working light that we timed out just right to look fakely realistic. Best of all, I got to use my Cassette Tape (a big inspiration in this project) from Etsy artist Analog Park ( Itraded a Spitting Image shirt for this awesome canvas tape):

We used lots of fake stop motion effects in which we made a filmed sequence appear to be stop-motion ever though it was shot in one take. For an example of this, watch the potted plant sequence. Its filmed in reverse, then sped up and frames are extracted from the sequence to appear choppy.

Theres an entire DVD worth of outtakes and bloopers which are probably only interesting to us so I'll spare you all. Without further ado, I present to you, "Woke Up Alone."

Best Bike in the Whole World SSS

2008-11-02T23:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's not Pee Wee Herman's "best bike in the whole world," and it may not be my ultimate favorite bike, but it is mine, and I love it.

The Best bike in the Whole World

I have been wanting to post pictures of my new motorcycle, and these shadow shots for 2 weeks now, I just keep forgetting, so I'm postdating this blog to launch on next sunday.

Les Films que j'adore

2008-10-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm not meaning to copy Hey Harriet with today's post, I've actually been trying to finish publishing a film blog for a while.

After almost seven years I started college again this year, and I'm taking my Berklee College of Music credits and applying them to film music/ film production.
so I've been killing several birds with one stone (the murder of a murder crows I guess). By watching french classics like the "Ballon Rouge" by Albert Lamorisse (so good, I'm writing a separate post for it) or "Le qautre-cent coups" (The 400 Blows) by Francois Truffaut, I've been catching up on my french and enjoying my main obsession, which has been films/film music.

This is a scene from the 400 blows that made me laugh out loud. The main character sneaks out of school with his classmate and they have a some Parisian fun. I can't help but smile at the children in this scene as we watch them watch a play:

I go to the library weekly and check out 3 movies. So far I've gotten Psycho, Stranger's on a Train, Harold & Maude, the 400 Blows, Sunset Boulevard, Royal Tennenbaums, Citizen Kane, Steve Zissou, and The Third Man. I also have this book called "Cinematic Story Telling: the 100 film conventions every film maker should know." It shows all the important ways film can convey drama, emotion, language, etc. without words, then it gives a film example of each one, as well as the screenplay and accompanying shots from the film that exemplify this. For instance, in The Graduate, when Hoffman's character is running to stop his girlfriend's wedding, they use a telepohoto lens to add drama, because this type of lens flattens an image, causing him to look as though he is not really getting anywhere as he runs toward the foreground. A wide-angle lens, on the other hand, would have made him seem to run forward very rapidly.

Another common device is te have protagonists enter left to right because it is the direction we read and move our eyes in the most, and an antagonists do the opposite, because, subconsciously, it is a mild irritant to move our eyes right to left. You can see this in the beginning of Hitchock's Strangers on a Train.

Pop Cannibalism 4

2008-10-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Even if Mortified hadn't sent us the following comment on our myspace page, I still would have gotten their book:

Dear uber talented siblings,You guys do really cool work. Congrats on being all cool and stuff. From the people who specialize in celebrating those who were not.We like you so much we'd let you go to 2nd. MORTIFIED

PS: We hope you enjoy our book... in stores everywhere. Our 2nd book hits stores this January.

If you haven't heard about it already, Mortified is a "Comic excavation of adolescent writing, art, and media." There's a live version of Mortified, parts of which can be viewed here. There are some wonderful elements of kitsch and nostalgia in the submissions and live readings, especially if you grew up in the 70's 80's or early 90's. The first book is a collection of diary entries from participants when they were 10-17 years old about relationships, "totally frenching," school, music, and even first boy-girl parties. Some of it is fan fiction about making out with members of Duran Duran. My favorite submission is from Adam Gropman's letters to his parents from a 2-month long summer camp when he was 10. I think they published the letter dates in the wrong order, but either way, here's an excerpt:

July 1, 1976

I am fine. Today I tried the swimming test. I only made it across the dock two time. Dinner is great here!

p.s. I made a lot of friends and one especially named Peter.

July 5, 1976

Dear Mom+Dad

camp is good! And the food is great! Also, when I said I only did two laps between the docks, I did four...and I practicid t do six!

P.S. I'm kind of homesick, so please visit as soon as you can.

July 11, 1976

Mom + Dad,

I have a very bad cold and I feel very sick. This is what's wrong. I have a bad sore throat. My nose and sinus are very stuffy. I have awful headaches. I feel very week. Everybody, except for two people in this cabin, are a#$holes. Right at this moment, while I'm writing this letter, someone's teasing me and saying I'm faking being sick...

Later that night:

Dear Mom + Dad

I can't hack camp any longer. I'm going to have a mental fit. by the way, what I meant by "take me out of tthis camp" is come up here in the car and take me HOME! I hate this ^%$damn cabin. I want to see our house and sleep in my nice, comfortable bed and sleep till 10:30 instead of waking up at 7:00!

July 13, 1976

Dear Adam,

I guess you have gone through some sad and difficult days. I think it would be best for you NOT to worry about your clothes and flashlight and things. As Alfred E. Neuman says, "Why worry?"

Maybe when you feel angry at the world, you could go to some private place in the woods...acd cry about it (that's good) or yell at the trees (they won't mind). And when you come back from hollering and hitting the groud with a stick, you won't feel angry.

Love, Mom

July 16, 197

Dear Mom + Dad

Camp is s^&** and boring. Everyting's been going wrong at camp such as:

Jason borrowed my red short-sleeved shirt and lost it.

My flashlight (still) isn't working

I got a cut on my penis when I flunked my canoe test.

I'm very homesick. I wish you could arrange so I can only stay 1 month instead of 2

July 14, 1976

Dear Adam, I'm sorry you hurt your penis. Does it still bother you?

Love-Dad

July 19, 1976

DearMom+Dad,

I f&*(*&^ hate this bastard camp! You better *&^damn listen to this letter or I'm going to scream! As a matter of fact, I already screamed my ass off at everybody in this cabin today. I don't understand why you don't believe that I'm having a conniption! Now I know you hate my guts, because if you liked me, you wouldn't torture me. Come up here on Saturday the 24th. If you send me one more of those crap letters, I'll rip it up and burn it.

It gets better, but I don't want to spoil it. The book was like sneaking a peak at someone's diary, which is exactly what it is. I couldn't put it down. There's page after page of embarrassing pathetic stories about unrequited love, goofy humor, delusions of grandeur, and teen angst. One part of me was horrified by what some people would do and amused that they would reveal it for the public to read, and the other part of me related to the embarassing, mellodramatic, and dorky moments of teenage life. A few of these entries could have been pulled from my own diary.

Similar to one of the authors fake memo's as CEO of Chanel, Inc (at the age of 9), I recently found an unsent letter to the cast members of Saturday Night Live, circa 1992. There was a tone of familiarity about the letter, as if Mike Meyers, Dana Carvey, and Chris Farley and I were all good friends. I think I asked if Mike and Dana's necks got sore from head banging during Wayne's World because mine did.

There was another letter I found in which I was trying to pitch myself to Nickelodeon as a child representative on what we as kids want. I'll have to see if I can find them again and send them in to Mortified.
here's my mortified picture, rocking a spike mullet. luckily I didn't have the clip on tie this year(notice that we never bought our school pictures, instead we kept the original and never returned it to the photoghy company)

I'll leave you with a video from one of my favorite journal entries, "I Hate Drake."

Mortified: I Hate Drake

Socko Killer, Qu'est-ce que c'est?

2008-10-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

At the suggestion of my sister, Amy,
I've decided to join the fun and try out my first Shadow Shot Sunday entry, this is my entry, which is a character from a film I shot but didn't edit. Here is my SSS entry:

I just participated in the OCC's 48 hour film festival. You get an envelope on Friday with your genre, theme, object, character, and line that must be included in your film. you must turn in your finished film by Sunday at 4:30.

I was a last minute addition and I was paired up with another last minute addition whose only qualifications were that he liked movies and had a film camera. We drew the following envelope:

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Theme: Murder

Character: Fraudulent Hypnotist

Object: Orchid

Dialogue: It's always worse afterwards

So I feverishly went to work, writing throughout the night, and came up with the following screenplay

-EXT. DAY-

Fade in to a glass door with "DR. W. BUFFALO PSYCHOTHERAPIST" stenciled on it. ECU to the words PSYCHO

INT. DR. OFFICE

our Neurotic (sock puppet Woody Allen meets Norman Bates) character lies framed upside down on the couch and rambles about loneliness and depression. He is a recovering serial killer.

CU to Dr. Buffalo's (a sock puppet with glasses, mustache, bushy eye brows and googly eyes)sketch pad, he is writing a grocery list that includes eggs, butter, bread, and Tinactin.

Buffalo: Have you tried taking up a hobby?

Norman Allen: I like taxidermy, its like Christmas everyday, only you stuff the stockings with embalming materials instead of small candies.

Buffalo: How about getting out once in a while, maybe take a stroll through the mall?

Norman: I've tried that. I wandered into a lingerie store, but they kicked me out. A saleswoman walked up and asked if I needed help, I said, " No thanks, I'm just here to feel up the mannequins."

Buffalo: Have you tried making friends with the opposite sex lately?

Norman:I've had dates, but it always ends up the same, one minute you're buying her flowers, the next minute you're dumping her body into a river. It's like an M. Night Shyamalan film: its great at first, but it's always worse afterwards.

CU of Dr's sketch pad, he is listing words that rhyme with murder: squirter, girder, hearder, frankfurter, and has crossed out James Thurber.

Buffalo: Let's try something new this week, I'm going to eliminate your urge to kill through hypnotherapy.

As we fade out, we close in on the shadow of a pocket watch swaying upon a framed plaque on the wall that reads "Certificate of Fraudulent Hypnotherapy"

Basically the rest was of the film was a music montage ( to make it more RomCom than creepy) of Norman posting a want ad, which is answered by a female sock puppet serial killer. They go to the park and do fun, datey things while trying to stab each other when the other isn't looking. They eventually realise they are alike in their blood lust and team up to kill a cheerleader sock puppet and eventually thank the Dr. for the inadvertent matchmaking by stabbing him.

After filming the whole thing on Saturday, we couldn't sync up the guy's camera to my laptop to edit it and I was so sick of the process and sleep deprived, we decided to chalk it up to experience and sleep in on Sunday.

So I bailed on the project, but I learned a lot. I kept the Dr. Puppet, whose photos grace this blog post. Best of all, I have extra socks left over from the package I bought for the puppets. Huzzah!

Pop Cannibalism 3

2008-10-02T02:40:00.000-07:00

I was not watching football yesterday when I looked up at the screen and was appalled to hear the chorus of sensitive, celibate, bi/gay icon Morrissey's sorrowful anthem, "Every Day is Like Sunday" used to promote Sunday Night Football. It wasn't sung by Moz, which may or may not have made things better.

I've seen several Beatles's songs get butchered this last year, namely the dozen variations of Hello Goodbye, but they were so far off from the original that it fortunately remains untarnished. Hearing "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys, on the other hand, will always remind me of Sunkist Oranges. The ad wizards won...jerks.

I understand that as artists, once we write something and release it, it no longer belongs fully to us, it takes on its own life and is open to new interpretation and meaning by whoever receives it, but seriously...Every Day is Like Sunday? This is worse than the Flaming Lip's anti political oppression song, "Yeah Yeah Yeah" being used for Kraft Salad dressing this past summer. Bravo football and salad, you've got that indie rocker demographic right in your cross hairs.

I would like to see the rest of Moz's song used over footage of football players trudging down the field:

"Trudging slowly over wet sand back to the bench where your clothes were stolen."

In Cultural Anthropology 100 I read an ethnography that stated that football was popular in America because of its homo-erotic overtones; men patting each other on the butt, grabbing the ball between their legs, piling upon each other in tight uniforms that accentuate the male figure.

If you think about it, the terminology of the game is also sexual, make a pass, score, go deep, end zone, go long, tight end, bump and run, chuck and duck, split end, man-on-man coverage, muff, slobber knocker, and penis.

ok, I'm kidding about penis, but slobber knocker is furreeallz, at least that is what wikipedia sez.

This sort of thing happens all the time!

2008-09-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

When Samson and I finally got passed the gates of the zoo, we knew we were home free.

My Weekend With the Sons of Anarchy

2008-09-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

I went camping in the San Gabriel mountains this weekend with my in-laws and some outlaws -well, only a handful were real outlaws, the rest were Messengers of Recovery Motorcycle Club. The MoRMC is made up of recovering alcoholics/addicts. My father-in-law is a patch-holding member of the Riverside chapter of the Messengers of Recovery biker club. I had studied the ettiquette and protocol of Outlaw and AMA (non-outlaw) biker clubs and written a research paper on them a few months earlier for my Cultural Anthropology paper. Did you know that they never lock their bikes at a rally because it's an insult. It is like calling the other bikers thieves. Also, you should never touch another man's "cut" (vest with the club's patch, which has had the sleeves cut off). If someone loses their cut, it is a big disgrace. Worse than that is to lose your patch or be forced to surrender your colors.

Lately I've been following the new FX series Sons of Anarchy, a show about a fictitous California outlaw biker gang which co-stars Beast/Hellboy/City of the Lost Children/Harry & the Henderson's Ron Pearlman.

by the way, did you ever wonder if he might have been Tom Waits fraternal twin, separated at birth? It's a lot more believeable than Sczhwarzenegger and DeVito, but probable a bit less comical.

Many of Riverside MOR members have been in several of the shows, playing bit parts and extras. I heard stories about Pearlman dumping his bike so often that they just cart him on the back of a trailer to film his riding scenes. They hire porn stars for the party scenes, which the Messengers find amusing because, as I noticed, 99% of the women in the clubs are someone's "old lady(wife/longstanding girlfriend must earn old lady status by showing loyalty to their men- old ladies are not to be confused with 'mamas')" and have the complexion of a pair of leather boots with breasts that have surrendered to gravity long ago. Nothing like the plastic party girls with double basketball chests that you see on the show.

One of them said he gets paid just to have his bike placed in a shot, so he usually checks the scripts and shrewdly finds the best position to have his bike parked. They also got to shoot rowdy party scenes in which one of the bikers had to endure shooting 3 versions of being passed out at the bar while the others spilled beer over him and whatever else they dished out. They even get paid to eat lunch. It pays around 17.50/hr. for 8 hours of "work."

Other highlights of the weekend were the view from my tent, which I pitched right on the edge of the river, the sound of the river lulling me to sleep, running live sound for the hired band, and hearing the recovery story Paul McCartney's original drummer, Denny Seiwell. Apparently Seiwell was swindled out of millions of dollars of money owed to him for playing with Macca from the "Ram" album, on up the first few Wing's albums. Paul, as it turned out, had no idea this had occured over the course of more than a decade, and recently righted the financial wrong and restored the relationship with Denny.

I have a ton of shirts to screen for tomorrow's big show at the Glass House. I'll leave you with the view from tent:

Throw Stones

2008-09-09T19:39:00.001-07:00

I'm going to be doing my first event selling Spitting Image stuff, Saturday, Sept. 20 at The Glass House in Pomona. Also featured will be Kid Robot (yes!) OBEY (way too trendy), Paul Frank and some others I haven't heard of, but I probably should have. I went to an art gallery in Tribeca last year featuring Souther Salazar (a fav of mine and my sister Amy's) and the adjoining room was Shepard Fairey and all his OBEY stuff that has once again become popular.

Here are some pictures of the Souther Salazar exhibit I attended, many of which I took, the others are from his site:

Speaking of exhbits, I need to write up a blog about fellow etsian, Timber, who I chanced to meet here in california at a silkscreen shop. He recognized the mustache man shirt I was wearing and asked where I got it. I told him I made it and he revealed that he was Timberps, which is crazy cuz I've been wanting one of his shirts for a long time. I'll post that one later.

Speaking once again about art exhibits, come on down to the Glass House Sat. Sept. 20
"Bring the litle pardners, hell, we got plenty of snakes and lizards for them to play with. Say it once, say it twice, third times a charm - and remember: I'll eat anything you want me to eat, I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow. Come on down, I'll chew on a dog. Arooooooooo!"
this is for Amy:

Pop Cannibalism 2

2008-09-06T02:43:00.000-07:00

I really should be sleeping but instead I'm going to grab some extra credit for my Mass Media course and blog a bit about another blog I"m currently reading, QuizLaw.

I'll start out by telling you that I have always hated the show American Idol until last season when a rocker with some taste won out against the usual Britney/Whitney-wannabes. I got hooked on the vile show the first time I heard David Cook bust out the Chris Cornell version of Jacko's hit, Billie Jean. We TIVO'd it and watched it as a family each week.

The season ended with an exciting victory for the Cook the underdog, but as the show concluded, it left me with a sense of loss. I've felt that same sense of loss after watching something like 8 straight hours of MTV's the State. My friends and I mused that we felt like we should call Michael Ian Black or Michael Showalter and see how they've been since we last saw them. The edges of tv and reality blurred and I missed my tv friends. sick.

Well thankfully we've got reruns, but better still is this season of American Presidential Elections. Like American Idol, I never really cared for the "show" or the irritating people involved. Then we got our David Cook: Barak Obama. According to the blog Quizlaw, we even have Sanjaya:

Sarah Palin is the next Paris Hilton.
Not that I’m trying to minimize her speech. But, I lump her into the Sanjaya Malakar phenomenon. Two seasons ago, Sanjaya Malakar — an incredibly untalented singer — managed to remain on “American Idol” long past the point his talent warranted. But each week, Simon Cowell — like the media with Sarah Palin — attacked Sanjaya with brutal honesty. The audience at home, recognizing that Sanjaya kind of sucked, voted for him all the same, partly because they felt sorry for him and partly because they wanted to see the train wreck continue. Ultimately, the “AI” voters came to their senses and voted Sanjaya off, as I assume the American public will also do when it comes to Palin.

I personally am less interested in the candidates and there policies, and more or less swept away by their techniques. Picking a naughty-secretary looking female running mate - outstanding! Piggybacking off of Hilary's achievements dspite having diametrically opposing political views... so cool! But having a lectern with a mock presidential seal...niiiice. Telling voters that electing McCain would be the same as giving Bush a third term, oh yes! The Demo-vention was almost as cool as the last Radiohead concert I went to. Have you seen how swiftly (and often, come to think of it) Obama gets water bottles to his fainting audience members?! Stunning. Soon he'll be doling out fish and bread to the masses. But how will the contestants handle Mariah Carey week? can McCain and Palin rock the House of Representatives with their playful rendition of Carey's "We Belong Together," or will Barack slay the Electoral Cowell-ege with his take on "All I Want for Christmas is You?" I just can't help but get sucked into the whole poplularity contest. Its an exciting election season, maybe I should TIVO it.

Oh, and coming back to Paris Hilton, here's a spot she did in response to McCain's Barack/Paris comparison ad that she shot for Will Ferrell/Andy Mckay's Comedy site, FunnyOrDie. I almost have a shred of newfound respect for her, but it turned out to be gas.

If you live under a rock, check out Landlord and Drunk History while you're at it

one last thing: Last week at campus I was coaxed to register to vote in California by two old black dudes at a folding table. They hastily led me through the forms and then asked me to fill in the circle next to the political party I wished to affiliate myself with. They made sure to let me know they only got paid if I filled in the Republican circle, and assured me I could change my affiliation later on but I would have to vote along party lines if for everything but president.

After all was said and done they handed me another form representing the Republican party. It was a statment that I had to sign stating that I was in no way coerced or influenced to affiliate with the Republican party. *sigh*

pop cannibalism

2008-08-29T20:20:00.000-07:00

I went clothes shopping today and I was dismayed yet again. Its hard to find clothing that fits me, I'm not that tall and I'm kinda skinny. I can no longer stand the skinny jeans, (which I'm wearing as I type this, ironically) they only look good on a few people (and they aren't male). They make a top heavy woman look like Dr. Robotnik from Sonic the Hedgehog: They make me look even scrawnier. So I went shopping for nice jeans, and I'm glad the fashionistas that be have allowed the low-rise boot cut to return to the marketplace, because they're the only decent looking pair of pants I've ever owned short of tailored slacks. I hate that word...slacks. By the way, is it me, or is Hollister just Ambercrombie & Fitch, and isn't Abercrombie & Fitch just a cologne-saturated gay club (the music's loud as hell and theres pictures of half-naked men everywhere).

Anyway, I've just started this Mass Media Course, and it got me thinking about how much I hate that society and culture shape what I should wear. My wife and I watch "what not to wear." on a fairly regular basis, and while I have my snobbish/critical side, I hate watching Mrs. Pretty and Popular, class of 77, and her identical male cohort get paid to repeat high school history by snickering at the poorly dressed and clueless subjects of their tv show. It's culture enforced conformity taken to a new level. I have to admit, though they make their subjects look much better when they're done.

So, getting back to my trip to one of the billions of O.C.'s malls, I can't seem to find a store that fits my tastes. There are so many subconcious messages behind what someone wears, and I don't always like the way it "defines" a person. I don't want someone to categorize me by my pants and shoes. Still, I can't help doing it myself, watch:

Dave Matthews/Phish fan and probably a stoner and or frat-jock: shops at Steve & Barry's

Favorite band is My Chemical Romance or Staind: shops at Hot Topic

John Mayer and Jason Mraz on the iPod: go to the Gap. Guess whats new this fall, something Khaki...again!

I also can't stand how men have so very few choices in style. Men's clothes are either too safe for my tastes, or too obnoxious. I am an artist and a rock musician, but I don't want to look a "rockstar." Also, Khaki cargo pants, how the hell are they still cool with anyone not at a Dave Matthew's Band concert!? I was there, back in in 1998, so were my cargoes, Dave played two encores, but unfortunately, so do the pants.

I am also grossed out by American Apparel's neon child porn look. The shirts I make are from AA shirts, but I won't be caught dead wearing a vest and hot pink pants with a polo with popped collar and visor shades. Polo's are for Best Buy, Pizza Hut, and tanning salon employees. I am weary of all the studded belts, skulls, grenades, grenade hearts, grenades made of skeletons, guns, flowery guns, guns with hearts, basically any peice of ammunition combined with anatomy or flowers. I don't want my shirts emboidered with family crests and ivy and lions and bombs. Thats for the Euro 'bags. These are european, or (mostly) american males trying to look european, with pointy-toed boots, tons of jewelry, and a faux hawk full of product. I remember these guys from the highschool football team. They got drunk, stumbled into Metro Park, and haven't found their way out.

There's a great site (and abook) about the cultural phenomenon of "douchebags" and beautiful women. You can see what I mean at http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/ .

I had noticed the sudden surge of these people, but couldn't quite articulate what they were or what it was that I couldn't stand, but the book put it all in perspective:

Greasy foreheads. Spiky frosted hair. Oiled-up faces dripping with Tag Body Shot spray. Armani Exchange T-shirts and rank cologne wafting off their backs like fetid pollen clouds as they pump their fists and attempt to grind into any hotties nearby. Young beauties oblivious to the hulking monstrosity clutching at their butts like snapping turtles on Red Bull.
From sea to douchey sea, ours is a culture plagued by this festering blight. By the dark forces of über-douchebaggery.

This guy won the Douchie 2007 award.

On the other end of the spectrum, men's clothing is hopelessly tame. I guess thats why I have Spitting Image. I like having shirts that no one else has (there are a few exclusives that we have made that aren't available to the public on our online site).

But still, what I really want isn't always available

I like Classic American style and I like unique twists on things. Here are a few of my favorite looks, several of which were lifted from a great blog called Manshion (he also has a great guide to shopping for the vertically challegened):

Je ne suis pas cool.

2008-08-28T13:22:00.000-07:00

I was in a group called the Source Room in grade school, and up until this very moment, I have never really wondered why it was named Source Room. I would jokingly say it's the source of my sense of entitlement.

When I joined, the Source Room was a fledgling program for gifted and talented grade school students in which we (a handful of first graders) were taken out of class in the afternoon to learn french, how to brainstorm, go on feild trips to learn how things are made, cultivated creativity, invented products, gave oral speeches and presentations, followed current events, and formed our own opinions (biased largely by the world view of our libertarian teacher, Mrs. Stacy). It took me years to finally see it in myself and reconstruct my own ideologies. Geography was usually held in the afternoon, but I was always in Source Room, so I think that accounts for my lack of solid geographical and history education. Our Source Room group grew in number and dropped in IQ over the years, which I assume had something to do with a few upset mothers complaining their child's way into our group. I wish I could get my hands on some of the videos we made, because there were some dumb kids forced into the group. I remember one year we filmed fake commercials and we had to teach one of the actors how to sweep the floor convincingly. He looked like he was mopping the floor.

That said, the original group, Katie, Leah, Erin, Amanda, and I were invited to join the Source Room for various reasons. Katie skipped kindergarten, was exceptionally bright and younger than her classmates, Leah was also intelligent, but showed an early knack for art. Erin didn't stay with us for too long, and I'm not sure what her story was. Amanda was/ is a humorous and intellegint individual. She has a unique approach to life to say the least. I was taught to read before school and was intensly inquisitive. By the time I reached first grade, I was usually the first one finished with my school work in class so I used my spare time to crack jokes and make fun of kids who were just learning to read. When I received the initial invitation letter from Mrs. Stacy, I never gave it to my parents because I thought I was in trouble (I got in trouble a lot, and therefore had a lot of letters to take home to my parents). My parents were informed of the giftedness of their child with a phone call. Just a year earlier my kindergarten teach had informed my parents that I was a slow child and had developmental problems. Take that Miss Watson, you stupid cow!

Today, most of the originals haven't quite achieved anything of note. The ones that finished college have jobs completely unrelated to their majors. Amanda has several schemes, but she has mainly worked for Fed Ex for the last decade, Leah has not become the artist I thought she would be. Katie became anti-social in her teen years and became somewhat goth, changed the spelling of her name and now she sings in a goth rock band ( I guess thats something).

Me, I've started a business that I'm struggling to break even with, I played in a band that opened up for the Wu Tang Clan's RZA, then I had to quit and move away before recording anything with them, I worked at an amazing record studio for free, I went to one of the most prestigous music colleges but I was unable to afford it and dropped out after a year and a half, I have written several albums worth of songs and recorded most of them without vocal tracks (so they sit, unheard),

and need I mention that I have attended 4 different colleges with 3 different majors, amassing over 67 credits and have no degrees or certificates to show for it.

I'm working oon a plan though,

and it has nothing to do with "plastics"

Rock N' Roll Suicide

2008-07-26T11:22:00.001-07:00

I've started a small band and I'm doing a four week intensive in Anthropology and College Algebra, so I've been away a while. I'm attending my fifth college right now.

A year after I graduated highschool I moved to Boston to attend Berklee College of Music, dropped out a year and a half later, moved back to Wisconsin, went to For His Glory Bible College for a year and a half, dropped out and got married. Then I moved to New York, went to Dowling College to study business, moved to California, and now I'm taking Gen Ed's at Santiago Canyon College (it's in a beautiful canyon surrounded by mountains) to transfer to Chapman University next year for Music Composition with a film emphasis.

At first I was nervous about being 27 in classes full of 19 year-olds, but there are some geezers in my class, so it's cool.

So today being one of my first "days off" in a while decided to squander it on the Internet. So far I've read three wikihow articles on how to clean mineral deposits out of your shower head ( soak it in a pot full of simmering -but not boiling - vinegar), how to clean a shower liner, how to get the mold smell out of a front load washer and dryer. I'm not really interested in how to do these things, I just kept clicking the links.

After a while I started searching arts & entertainment hows and found myself editing how to articles that sound like they were written by foreigners. Then I got a little creative with it. I had clicked on How to Form a Band - wikiHow out of curiosity because I've done it so many different ways, I wanted to know how others went about it. Towards then end I saw two naive steps in the process, "get signed by a label," and "get ready for stardom." I quickly deleted the first one and replaced the last one with this:

# Get famous, take up a debilitating drug and/or alcohol habit, lose the sense of who you are/were, go in and out of rehab, remarry a few times, quell the inner band fighting by throwing your mic at the drummer during his self-indulgent drum solo and flip off the audience while exiting the stage, get plowed in your trailer (extra points for overdosing), if the band confronts you with an intervention, go get your samurai sword that you picked up on your Japan tour and start swinging), break up the band, release a lackluster solo album, drop out of the public eye while your former glory is forgotten to the next two generations and your music goes out of fashion, spiral into a cycle of depression and substance abuse, alienating yourself from friends and family, walk onto the set of MTV's TRL and make a spectacle of yourself (this can also be done at any televised awards ceremony pre-show parties), enjoy a little bit of embarrassing notoriety (at least they'll know your name again), drop out of sight for ten or more years, sell your hit songs to commercials selling cars, mayonnaise, and feminine deodorant, sober up, find religion, make amends with your past and your band mates, do what is known in the industry as "staying relevant" by doing cameos on the Simpsons, playing a judge in Zoolander, or performing a show with Britney (if you are Britney, try a spot on Saturday Night Live, its the platform for stars who have fallen from grace and need to make good with the public by mocking their infamous behavior i.e. Winona Ryder and countless other scandal-ridden stars),plan a reunion tour, charge upwards of $150 a ticket, sell out shows worldwide, cancel shows due to drug/alcohol relapse, get your stuff together and keep rocking well into your sixties, remarry to someone younger and hotter, lather, rinse, and repeat, hang out to dry. A tangential version of this would be to find religion that doesn't allow music or the excess of stardom, release an album of watered down versions of your greatest songs with MOR world music beats and instruments.

I guess you get a bit jaded after reading about all your heroes and what happens to them. The above list contains similarities to stories of many of my favorites including David Bowie, Elvis Costello, Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, Sting and Police, Cat Stevens, David Lee Roth, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, and some of my non-favorites (Courtney Love)

The sword incident happened to me when my band mates and I intervened on our coke addled lead singer the night after he lost had our equipment trucked for being parked at bus stop in front of the strip club where he got drunk and subsequently botched our gig, forgetting lyrics to his songs and verbally berating the band and the audience. I'll spare you the story of the legal battles, I'm too busy wasting time on you tube now.

Start Wearing Purple

2008-07-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

I was working on a draft of another blog post but it lacked necesary pictures so I'm just posting to hear myself speak.

I've been MIA lately. Etsy has kept me quite busy, as have songwriting and my plans to go to film school, more about that later.

Just wanted to say, I haven't been excited about new music in a long while, but the new Beck single Chemical trails...woah...new direction. love it. can't wait for the album.

New Coldplay: they've completely redeemed themselves with some help from Brian Eno. Parachutes is and was my favorite album, there may be a new contender.

That was a short list. I guess I'm still not that into anything thats come out recently. I'm gonna punch my face in if I have to hear Katie Perry one more time. Either that or staple my tongue to a sandwhich. actually, that might not be all that bad once the pain subsides.

Besides that, it's been heavy doses of Talking Heads "Covered with Daisies" and "Road to Nowhere" I learned to play "Burning Down the House on ukelele." I've got to figure out a way to get some mp3's on this blog...but I'm too busy.

If you haven't seen the Bat for Lashes video for "what's a girl to do," youtube it now. Creepy cool. Animal heads, ghosts, balloons, bicycle stunts, a flipped over car with huge fangs, all in a dark forest. Its got everything a music video should have. Old news for some, but too brilliant not to pass along.

By the way, if you're in a funk and you need lift this song will work every time: Start Wearing Purple. You may recognize Gogol from the film Everything is Illuminated with Elijah Wood (see top image).

and here's a little something from King Missile inspired by my recent job hunt.

Baby Daddy

2008-06-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

We need to find a baby to show off our new line of baby clothes! My wife wants a baby yesterday (and my parents and in-laws are chomping at the bit for grandchitlins), but even if we have one in nine months from now, it's not gonna be fast enough to show off our new baby line.

here's what we have to offer so far:

If you know anyone with some babies just lying around and they aren't using them or anything, lemme know. Remember people, "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle."

If they are using the babies, great, then they need to be wearing our clothes.

Etsy Gift Guide for Dads and Dudes

2008-06-05T18:56:00.001-07:00

I have been perusing the Etsy Father's Day Treasuries and Etsy Finds like a hawk trying to find something cool for my Dad, but have been coming up short. I don't want to get him something that will get tossed in the "junk drawer" when I'm not looking. I don't know how to put it politely, but most Dad's don't actually want you to knit, crochet, or weave them anything, even if it is to be used for drinking, fishing, hunting, or belching contests.

I must admit, I'm not the typical "guy," I dislike fishing, hunting, and sports- especially golf. I don't drink much at all these days, and I'm not all that into shoot 'em up 'splosion films, though I do watch them (especially if they have Super/Spider/X-/Iron Man in the title) . I don't know or care much about cars, though I've learned to fix them out of necessity. I never really got into tools until my Dad bought me one for my birthday. It rules, I use it all the time, but just because I like my tools, it doesn't mean I want to display it on my shirt/tie/wallet/belt (unless it is an actual toolbelt-still please don't decorate a tool belt as a gift). Nonetheless, just being a guy makes me qualified enough to say, "hey, here's some stuff dad/guys might like."

That said, here's my attempt at an Etsy gift guide for Dads and Dudes.

With this first item, I have to eat my words about displaying tools on my belt, I would wear this belt buckle proudly:

These belt buckles are not only stylish, they're well made with quality hardware and its only $30. Kali Mellus' shop, ByKali has several more that I'd also like.

And if you're gonna get a guy something made of wood, or something practical yet whimsical: try this:

This is the Coming and Going Bull Trophy Holdall by LuxfordSt. yeah, it's cool.

I'm a huge fan of functional art, especially lamp art. Here's a spraypaint can lamp by bblock:

Here's an apron that won't emasculate your Dad when he BBQ's: Its called "Chef Chop" and its available in Juror 2's shop.

Duct tape wallets and other handmade wallets are cool, but Dad might want something he won't be embarassed to pull out at the bank. How's bout this here money clip made by Garnish Home ?

Dad's love sweets, so if you can't bake, why not let someone else?

I saw this pile of cookies and startied gnawing on my laptop screen. My laptop doesn't taste anywhere near as good as these Double Chocolate Coffee Macadamia Nut cookies by Groovy Cookies.
Now all you need is a Father's Day card like this one at Kindred Knits and your all set.

Father's Day Fodder

2008-06-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

Dad's Day is approaching, which always sucks for me because I live on the far side of the country from him, and have for many years, because I have bounced from Boston to Brooklyn, and now to Orange County. It also sucks beacause I can never think of anything good enough to get him that he doesn't already have. Practical is not always best, since he can go out and get whatever tools he needs and he'll know better which brands and types. Dad's don't want a damn tie either! They like toys and gadgets.

I have bought my dad toy and model airplanes, helicopters, kites, an mp3 player, an mp3 site subscription, an audiobook subscription, but the best was when I built him a spud gun. How do you top an illegal potato-launching firearm? I'm not sure you can, and he already has a wicked 6 foot long, industrial rubber-grade water baloon launcher (and he sure as hell ain't launching balloons with it either-try eggs, tomatoes, golfballs, apples, and the occasional jar of pickles).

Like myself, my Dad's also a drummer, but he already has an electric drumset and an awesome Pearl kit. I've bought him Zildjian gear, videos, etc. so thats out.

My parents both lift weights and work out, but we've already bought them (or they've bought themselves) every flash in the pan workout gadget you can think of: Stairmaster, Thighmaster, Abmaster, even Slide Aerobics (remember that one? it was supposed to simulate rollerblading, nowadays you wouldn't be caught dead actually rollerblading).

Unfortunately, etsy wasn't much help either. I don't know how many guys actually wear cuff links that aren't sizing you up for a tuxedo in the mall. Belts, ties, wallets! Are men really so dull? no. this can't be.

Well for what it's worth, Amy took some shots of pops in one of our shirts, we're going to list them in the Father's Day Treasury.

well, I'm off to go make some new stuff for our shop, there will be some new designs trickling into our store this month, even stuff for babies. Babies love to shop.

Mini Mini

2008-05-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

Lets preface this blog by saying I never liked chihuahua's. They shiver and yelp, and I figured that if you sneeze on one, they would just shatter into tiny pieces. Then one day while driving by a camp ground in the Redwood Forest in California, my wife's grandmother saw what I thought was a tiny fawn or baby fox. We pulled over and Nana got out and scooped up a scared 2-4 week old chihuahua into her arms, and we were on our way. Long story short, we were unable to get her back to her owner and the camp's ranger said that the people looking for it had already moved on and didn't leave a phone number, but we could drop her off at the ranger station, but they'd just put her in a pound. We called the number on her tag but the phone was disconnected. Her dog tag read "Minnie."

On the car ride back to Nana's, we wrapped the shivering dog in a towel and after a short while I found myself holding the sleeping puppy while Chelbie did her best to coax me into keeping her. Chelbie had been wanting to get a dog for a long time now, but I was against it. I love dogs, but I didn't feel like walking, feeding, and cleaning up after anything but myself and I was worried a dog would eat one of my guitars or something.

My resistance was quickly broken, this dog was just too damn cute, and to make it worse she kept following me. On top of that she turns out to be highly social with people, children, and other animals. She hardly ever barks, she is the best dog I've ever had. Chihuahua's are very loyal, as it turns out, and have favorites. I guess I'm her favorite. Say it with me now, "awwwww." okay, shutup. Oh yah, we changed her name from Minnie to Mini cuz she is tiny.

That was almost 3 years ago. Today we finally had her spayed, which had us nervous for her, like she was our kid. I'm going to go pick her up from the vet after this blog is finished. Here are some Mini pictures:

My sister made her this rad dress (shown in the first picture above) for Christmas two years ago I need to get better pictures of it, cuz that just doesn't do it justice.

And in other news, we finally got props from etsy administrator Iheartmoustaches for our Mustache Man shirt. Though we didn't make the top ten etsy mustache items, we are in the Storque Article. okay, I have to get back to work I have so many shirts left to make and send out.

Here's a little somthing for the mustache fans out there

I smell bacon!

cops and robbers

2008-05-15T20:51:00.001-07:00

as hinted at at my sister's blog (click here to see it, bologna face), we are up to no good once again. It will involve both of our combined talents (and I'll do even do a little musical compostion), and its coming to a youtube near you. The above picture is all I can show for now.

I'm considering going into film scoring, I mean I've always wanted to do it, but I never actually got serious about it. At my myspace page I have a few instrumentals (most of which are builders, so they don't really climax until the final 3rd of the song), and even a chase sequence peice for an imaginary chase scene for a suspense thriller.

I also did this peice that could be a slow motion funeral scene. Which reminds me. The best funeral sequence w/ music I have ever seen was (here comes the inner geek, shining forth) the 100th episode of Smallville, Johnathan Kent's funeral http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsAMckYFm7Q What makes it great is the pacing, the camera work, the snow instead of the cliche' reain, and best of all, they used Peter Gabriel's "I Grieve," which is another slow breathing and building song. That was the Zenith of the show and it has pretty sucked ever after.

ok, I have serious work to do. I've taken on my first music student in 2 years, and that means I'm brushing up on guitar scales and riffs. Secondly, I need to find a silkscreen supply store in O.C. so I can get a big enough squeegee to screen the "tree girl" image much cleaner. Third, I have finish my t-shirt tags so I can tag and ship some of our shirts off to Still Life Clothing, a shop in San Francisco that is going to sell some of our shirts.

-okaybye-

ok, I'm back from the coolest art supply store. Everything was as much as $6 cheaper than NY and I got a cool Critter Splitter for under $4. I got the orange monster below, he's awesome, but I'd really like the headband wearing, boombox toting duck in the back or the "kinda rare" yeti. You can mix and match their bodies and heads as shown in the other picture.

off the topic, I just changed my Facebook region from NYC to O.C. and was saddened to see the following after I hit "submit"

Orange County, CA
You have no friends in Orange County, CA.

thanks facebook! You were adopted. There how does that feel? jerk.

jerkface.

jerkfacebook.

AHHHH I WANT THIS!

2008-05-12T15:30:00.001-07:00

AHHHHH, gimme gimme!

Geek Central Station's Etsy Store

I can't have it cuz:

1. its SOLD
2. I don't have a job anymore so I don't have expendable income right now

p.s. to all you mutha's out there:

In the garage (I feel safe)

2008-05-08T17:23:00.000-07:00

I've finally found a way of getting photoshop to work and getting my pictures out of the camera without digging through my storage space for a cable. My etsy shop looks a little better now.

Don't I have a nice rack!? I got a clothing rack hanger and these black and red clothing racks from Ikea to store all my shirt stock, but after this weeks order from american apparel I bulked it out and then some. I could use at least one more rack setup like this. Here's my setup in the garage:

And in other news, I got a mediocre haircut for 10 bucks, quite a switch from my last haircut in Manhattan, where I paid $125.
let's compare:

$125:and heres the new 10 dollar 'do:

I guess you could say I got mugged in New York by a girl with scissors.

What I really wanted to show off today is my first ever trade with etsy seller Custom Ink

They're canvases painted to look like cassete tapes. I had mine custom made to say "Glenn and Chelbie". Here it sits cozily alongside my laptop, harmonica, and monitoring headphones, although I actually keep mine hanging on my bedroom wall. You should get one, they come in all different colors, or you can request a color and writing on it. Best of all, they're only $18 You can even get a tape deck canvas to go with your tape canvas.

Lastly, I saw Iron Man last Sunday, and after seeing it, I still feel like when I was 9 or 10 and the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles movie came out and I had to kick and punch everything I set my eyes on for months. Robert Downey, Jr. has become one of my new favorite actors. He has joined Pitt, Depp, Cusack, Michael Caine, Jason Lee and Christian Bale.

ok, I'm gonna now, its time to spaz out like a 10 year old.

(must I be) a Man in a suitcase

2008-05-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

I have moved from Milwaukee, WI to Brooklyn, NY to Queens, NY to Orange County, CA in the span of little more than a year.

I love travel but I'm sicking of storage spaces and boxes. I can't find my good microphones and I have a million USB cables, but I have no idea where my camera cable is, and stupid Fuji uses its own non-standard cable.
I took a bunch of pictures this morning of my shop set up, a red shirt we sell that needed a picture update (it looks orange online), and my desktop recording studio.

I have finally finished a song! (I've only written one full song since moving to New York, I was home sick-otherwise I never would have had the time). It was hard to present to my wife because the lyrics were so honest, but she loved it. I'm putting together my first full length album slowly but surely, all I need to do is write more and finish recording some things I've been working on. I have around a hundred songs already written, but I want new ones. Whats odd is that I have a sound in mind, but all these other songs come out that are no where near the vein I want to represent. It happens all the time with me, I set out for a rock song and out comes a a latin samba, I wanted a moody digital piece, out comes a jazz standard. I can't seem to shed my roots (I was a straight ahead jazz saxophonist for most of my life).

OK, enough slackin, I have shirts to make and songs to record.

Victoria's Secret is the funniest

2008-04-24T13:08:00.001-07:00

Before I begin, check out this picture my sister made for me on her blog, it's me barfing bubbles. (hold ctrl+the minus sign to shrink it, its huge, then ctrl + to bring it back to size). So my wife is looking for new jobs, she used to be a fitter at a boutique in Manhattan's upper west side called The Bra Smyth. It's that "y " in the name that lets them charge and extra $50 for their bras (actually its the handmade stictching, fine lace, silk, and/or french/italian designed imports that almost make them worth every penny of $90-250).

She was robbed at knife point in this store. A junky came in jittering and brandishing a long butcher knife, much like a meat cleaver with a long point. I'm sure theres a name for this knife, but sod off, I didn't go to culinary school. He walked to the counter where my wife stood alone and proceeded to bang the knife against the glass counter top and insist that this was not a joke. He walked around the counter and had the knife to her back and demanded all the money in the register, but she didn't have the keys. The manager, who was taking her lunch break in back, came forth nervously with the keys and he left with a whopping $300. It's the upper west side, "women be shoppin," but they use plastic, fool.

He didn't get away with it for long, he tried a few more stores in the next couple weeks and was stupid enough to try one store twice in a week. He got rushed by the store manager and landed on his knife, and dashed out the door,bleeding, leaving behind his knife, wallet, and with it, his I.D. card. He is in jail for grand theft with a weapon.

This is not the point of todays blog, but it is quite a story nonetheless, and is only one of the many hardships we endured living in New York City last year. NO, I want to talk about Victoria's Secret, quite a step down for my wife, but she applied there nonetheless. I often get dragged into the store with my wife and have try to stare ahead at nothing in particular while she tries things on in the no-man-zone. This is no small feat, even the maniquinns are hot. As a teen I used to joke that a funny thing to do would be to go into a VS and when an employee asks "can I help you today," you reply, "no thanks, I'm just here to feel up the mannequins."

I think its funny, but Chelbie doesn't.

She also didn't laugh when she showed me the new Memory Foam bra and I said "is that in case your boobs forget?" I am laughing at my own jokes right now. I can't help it, I even find it funny that she doesn't think it's funny. Sometimes the less funny she thinks I am, the more funny I think something is. Like yesterday when we passed a billboard of Celine Dion and I said she looks like a greyhound. She said I was mean, to which I replied that I thought mean was funny, mainly because I don't really mean it (Celine really does remind me of a greyhound, though). I have a snarky sense of humor, but I hate the word "snarky." It makes me think of snaggletooth and snorks for some reason. My friends and I used to say "that's so mean...but it's so funny."
Nowadays i'm forced to reckon whether I truly am mean, or a comedic genius. I think its not much of either, but I'm from the male species, albeit a very sensitive and thoughtful specimen compared to the average joe.

She did laugh when I told her Victoria's Secret: they don't have any of the bras you like in your size.

Coast to Coast

2008-04-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hola Amigo's, it's been a while since I rapped atcha.

Earlier this month I left New York City for the sunny California weather, and with it my slave job schlepping packages for Fedex. Unfortunately, I had to leave my band too. So at the moment I'm bandless, but I'm working on my own music more than I did before.

My sister and I are hoping to unveil new Spitting Image designs within the month, we have some great new images and will start to unveil our baby clothes. Its all top secret until we have procured our copyrights. And its all pop secret when I want some popcorn.

We did make a new logo, its godzilla versus a squid and it rules your face. It does, say it! "It rules my face." there.i'm glad you agree. even if you haven't seen it yet. I'll try to make it my background.

My days have changed drastically from waking up at 4:30 AM, catching the R or V train, transferring to the G, then to the L and arriving in Canarsie Brooklyn after an hour and a half of commuting, working my arse of in the hood, riding elevators (read "port-a-potty") in the projects, flying through Hasidic neighborhoods to deliver before Shabbot when they weren't allowed to sign for packages anymore, and 14-18 hours after I left for work, I get home too tired to move, but I still work and stay up til at least 12:30.

Nowadays I wake up when I feel like it, grab the guitar, read through some classical peices, let the 5 dogs out, clean up after the 5 dogs, maybe I'll play God of War, Grand Theft Auto (San Andreas), or Guitar Hero (I was a latent videogamer, I just got a ps2, and on occasion I still play Nintendo). I screen some shirts, ship 'em in the afternoon, and go out to dinner almost every day. I'm getting fat and tan. Well, I did go for a jog today, and I got some new kicks. Let me tell you what, there are a lot of malls here.

Lets talk about kicks: Why is it so hard to find cool shoes that fit? First off, I don't skateboard (at least not since 7th grade when I was a total poser with my Brandon Carabajal New School deck) and I don't play basketball (since 5th grad when I was benched the entire season-essentially I spent my school nights running laps and getting pushed around for several months only to play 30 seconds of our last game when we were already losing and I could do no further damage). I don't want a pair of vans, don't adidas anymore, and the Onitsuka Tigers I love didn't come in my size. Thats the other problem, nothing fits me. 8.5 size shoes and a small fit shirt, 30 X 30 pants (that aren't baggy fit), you'd think I was trying to find Waldo in a peppermint factory full of bespectacled hikers.

I used to rock these Bruce Lee/Beatrice Kiddo Tigers:

I wanted to get a new pair today in silver/black but they dind't come in my size and were discountinued.

Quick aside, is it me or does every girl you ever knew in grade/middle school just sit at home and make facebook graffitti and throw sheep all day?!

So I'm always the last to get/see new stuff it seems (with the excepetion of my stolen i-phone, may it burn the fingers of its thief, and I know who did it, way to outmaneuver our work cameras, jerkface). I'm skeptical of things that appeal to the masses. I got into the Smashing Pumpkins after they had already broke up. I didn't figure out that Deathcab for Cutie was not a goth/emo band until someone gave me a Postal Service CD. I didn't see 6th sense early enough and Jack Lemmon spoiled the ending for me with in a spoof he did on David Letterman.

That said, I just got Bjork's Volta yesterday. Suddenly I like it, although I was apathetic when it first came out last year.

Here's two things I vow not to miss, having learned my lesson:

1) Iron Man- Downey, Jr. makes an arresting Tony Stark

2)David Sedaris' 6th book - I got suckered into thinking "Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules" was his newest release-joke's on me, its an anthology of his favorite short stories. Laugh it up sucka. Heres the real deal, to be released in June:

I have no idea when I'll get around to reading anyway, now that I'm not stuck on a train for 3 hours a day.

I love you New York, you stole my heart and you stole three cellphones from me, and you damn near got away with my car.

valentines feature!

2008-01-23T15:00:00.000-08:00

I made the front page of etsy.com twice today for the second month in a row!

http://www.etsy.com/storque/section/spotlight/article/a-very-manly-valentines-day/1091/
I'm also on the treasury!

soo busy!

2007-11-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

I'm working quickly to get our tote bags and handle bar mustache shirts ready for the holidays

BUY HANDMADE this holiday!

Improv Everywhere No Shirt day

2007-10-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

I went on my first actual assignment as an Improv everywhere agent. I wouldn't consider the Mp3 experiement as much of an assignment, but it was still awesome.

I got an email that said that it was for men only and that we must be willing to take off our shirt in public.

I replied, "I'm in," and instantly received a response with the details of where to meet and when.

So on Saturday at 3:30 I met at the southeast end of Central Park near 60th and 5th ave. I wasn't fully sure where to meet, but the slowly flocking of dudes in t-shirts and blue jeans made it more an more obvious. A stout kid in a yellow t-shirt approached the group and asked if this was the Improv Everywhere group. "Yep." He and I and 2 others then struck up a conversation about how many of these events we were in and about how he was the youngest to be involved today (11 years old, ballsy kid).

We were told that we would be sent in waves (all 111 of us) to Abercrombie & Fitch on 5th ave. They have a shirtless male model in blue jeans standing at the storefront 365 days a year, a 7 foot tall bronze statue of a shirtless man in blue jeans, posters and a mural of shirtless men that covers the wall on all four floors of the stairway.

At around 4:37 we would remove our shirts and walk about the store as if we were shopping for a shirt. If anyone asks, I'm told, we don't know any of the other guys (which is true), we just happen to need a shirt.

IE Creator, Charlie Todd gives our mission details. Thats me staring straight into the camera in the center with Andrew in front.

----But first, some "totally not gay" pictures of all of us playing skins versus skins football------

(I swiped all these photos from the facebook and flickr pages, this isn't my work)

After five minutes of mugging, posing, and pretending to be a quarterback, I was sent to A&F with the 3rd wave of guys. The 11 year old, Andrew, asked me to help him get to A&F, so I left my stuff with his mom, who was waiting on the outside of the park fence, and we left. He was a pretty cool kid, we talked about video games and Fark.com, which is how his mom heard about the mp3 experiment.

The initial reaction from the employees and shoppers was amusement and confusion. People wondered aloud where all these models suddenly came from.
The employees thought the stunt was funny until their managers dissuaded them, then they got stern.
A female employee actually slapped one of our camera-women, Agent Katie. Fortunately she happened to be taking a picture of it at the moment that it happened, and she showed me the image of a hand in mid-slap motion. I didn't get hassled too much initially, I pretended to earnestly shop for a shirt ( and I won 12 oscars for doing so, cuz I hate their clothing...who goes in there and thinks, "letsee, do I want to wear an A&F logo shirt, a shirt with a moose, or a shirt with an arbitrary number on it, gee i can't decide with all this variety.").

I was assigned to the basement level, but I ended up moving around to different floors to avoid the employees that were asking us to put on a shirt or leave. I saw a shirtless guy in the womans area hold a shirt up to his chest for size. Andrew was told to put his shirt on or get out pretty quickly. He just shrugged, threw his shirt on and went about shopping.

The sameness of the store made it difficult for me to figure out what floor I was on and how to get out, and eventually I ushered out the door by the staff. At the doorway I jumped in front of the male model and a few of our agents to pose for the pictures taken by a swarm of female tourists and passersby.

When I got back I met some more agents that had heard of my previous experience with Improv Everywhere in which a park ranger issued my wife and I a ticket for "failure to comply with signs."

I noticed that Andrew hadn't returned so his mom and I went back in to find him, he didn't know when to meet at the rendezvous, and was caught up in 'shopping.' we retrieved him fromthe store (which went from sardine packed to empty one our stunt had ended)

you can check out more pictures of the mission here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fountainb/sets/72157602417492232/
and here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ariscott/sets/72157602417378546/

ETSYETSYESTY

2007-10-01T20:55:00.001-07:00

We sold our first shirt today and I haven't even been advertising, nor have I sent out the official store launch flyers yet! This was our last limited edition "grande est le cerveau de la baleine," which in French means large is the brain of the whale

To celebrate, I bought Chelbie this pendant from Imogen's Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=21975

they also have a koi fish that I think looks great:

Amy is currently working on a tote bag with the following Cow image she came up with:
I think we'll have to make a silkscreen tutorial in the future that documents our unique creative process, from phone conversation brainstorm, to idea, to paper, to scanner, to photoshop, back to paper sometimes, back to computer, to transparency, to screen, to substrate, to online store, to delivery guy, and finally to you.

spittingimage.etsy.com

We are open for business!

2007-09-25T20:58:00.001-07:00

I finally posted our first two shirts, check it!
The awesome photography was provided by the extremely talented Anna Vu of http://www.ohannamarie.com, check her out if you are in the NYC area and need photos for whatever reason (like to check to see if you have something in your teeth, she can take a picture of you and when its done you can look back and see...whew! nothing in my teeth, thanks Anna Vu).
But seriously, she is very good with the camera shy.

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade
spittingimage.etsy.com

Todaybor day is Labor Day

2007-09-03T08:21:00.000-07:00

I have just had 3 straight days off, now into the fourth and life is taking some amazing turns in this difficult yet sometimes rewarding city.

First off, I'm playing bass for my close friend, Paul Holmes. http://www.myspace.com/paulholmesmusic We lived together in college along with our drummer, Dave Greenwald. They formed an awesome band called Pitty Sing (named for the cat in a Flannery O'connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find"). http://www.myspace.com/officialpittysing They were signed to OR music (Matisyahu and Los Lonely Boys are on that label but they sound nothing like those artists). The band basically didn't get off the ground fast enough, and they eventually split up. To make a short story long, Paul's been writing some amazing stuff, Dave just moved back to NYC, and it's on. There is a lead guitarist named Jay, but I don't know much about him yet.

I had my audition, a rehearsal for church, then I played two church services at Forefront http://www.forefrontchurch.com before my tuning peg on my ghetto Ibanez busted, so I need a new bass ASAP. I've wanted to get something better, and Paul said it was necessary before it broke. God will provide, of this I'm sure.

We have decided to stay in NYC, because of the band and Chel's new job as a nanny (not set in stone yet, but she will hopefully be working 10 less hours a week for a considerable amount more money per week than she had been working).

Gregg Farrah is relaunching the Mosaic Church, which is where we first attended when we moved to NY. I'm hoping he asks me to lead worship. It would be even sweeter if I could get a paid staff position and be able to pursue ministry full or part time.

Amy is designing a tote/grocery bag. Here's a sneak preview:

We will start selling shirts as soon as our photographer friend Anna Marie Vu is available. She is incredibly talented at cooking, making flyers, music, cooking, web design, tons of other stuff, but especially photography. She is a freelance artist based in Long Island. http://www.myspace.com/marieebot

Mp3 Experiment IV

2007-08-18T15:07:00.000-07:00

I had to cancel my voice lesson today, so Chel and I decided to get out and do something today. I get FreeNYC.com events emailed to me daily, and after consulting the list I found this: http://www.improveverywhere.com/2007/08/12/participate-saturday-in-the-mp3-experiment-four/

For the lazy bunch who don't wanna read that, it's an underground Improv Everywhere event in which you download a 36 minute mp3 to your digital device that you can't listen to until the event. You show up at the place before 4 pm with your watches synched to the atomic clock, wear a red, yellow, blue, or green shirt, bring a camera if you want, spread out, act casual, and at exactly 4, press play on your mp3 players. The headphones added an element of secrecy to non-participating onlookers that similar events like Danger Art's "night of Fire" couldn't use to their advantage. Anywhere they went, they had to use text messaging and bullhorns, and the cops, although cooperative, always knew the next move. I think an interesting spin on this might be to be on cell phones, using a sort of telephone chain, but the logistics may take some figuring out. At least everyone would be spared the cell minute charges if they had free weekends.

We checked it out, it looked interesting, we didn't have to say "potato, potato" over and over (not that I wouldn't, potato potato potato potata), and it was at the at the World Financial Center Plaza, which has a beautiful park facing the water. I threw on a yellow "Banana loves Octopus" shirt, packed lunches and grabbed our li'l chihuahua, Mini.

We have a bit of trouble getting to anything on time, so we decided to use the car when we saw that the next train to Manhattan would be 17 minutes.

By 4 pm, we were on the Brooklyn Bridge headed to Manhattan.
As we listened to Nintendo Gameboy type music. As we sat through the same light three times we laughed as Steve, the omnipotent voice instructed us on what we would do next. As we looked for a parking space we imagined our fellow colored t-shirt wearers pointing to the tallest building, Nicaragua, and the "ugliest cloud" or skipping along as they were instructed to follow a German tourist with a yellow shirt, "a stupid mustache," with an MTA map while they listened to a digital polka. For whatever reason I flashed back to first grade gym class.

We had no trouble finding our fellow event attendees, they stuck out like a multicolored sore thumb. We ran into the park in time to create a target with a green and later red shirt bull's eye (see above pic), which is when my i-pod died and Chel and I shared ear pieces.

The games and sense of community were amazing. We played freeze tag! Cameras in hand, we competed for "an arbitrary prize we will never receive."

There was something like the spirit of childhood in the event. The by-standing people in then park watched us in amused puzzlement.

When it was over I didn't want to leave, I wanted to know who my fellow participants were, go to an after party, or come away with some kind of souvenir of our event other than the pictures we were instructed to take.

When it was over we clapped and "Mr. Blue Skies" by ELO became the exit music. I was amazed that they picked such an apt ending song until I realized aloud that it was the next song on my playlist, a nearby girl and and replied that she was temporarily excited to hear her song, too. I overheard another guy say to his friends that this was the most exciting thing he had ever been involved in.

As Chel and I slowly walked to the outer edge of the park to survey the crowd, Mini had business to do. At the moment it happened we realized we didn't bring her doggie bags, but Chel had paper towel in her hand from her packed lunch and we were just about to take care of it when two Park Patrol Officers approached us. The female officer was far more upset than the situation warranted, and immediately scolded us and without losing a beat, began writing us a ticket.

Face locked in a gesture of disgust, the female officer reprimanded me for bringing my dog to a park where dogs were not allowed and people were laying down and eating. I didn't know about the rules since we ran in late, and saw no reason from the website that we wouldn't be able to bring Mini. As it turns out they were allowed, but we were on the dog-forbidden grass, about 8-12 feet from the concrete path where they were allowed to be walked.

I apologized, pleaded, and nearly sang and danced to talk them out of my ticket. After having my car window smashed by the thwarted car-jackers last week, losing and subsequently having my phone stolen 2 days ago, and not receiving my mail/checks for almost two weeks, I almost threw up in the same spot my dog had been when I saw her scribble $200. Maybe if I had, they'd have to ban humans from the park.

They questioned my involvement in today's goings on, and that's when it occurred to me that I was the fall guy for the officers. The real reason for their anger was that they had no one to pin for we hadn't really done anything worth stopping the surprise event that they were too late to put the kibosh on (small aside, I love spell-check, I had no idea surprise actually had that 'r' before 'p', I always thought that was how the uneducatedly typed folk spellted it). The male officer, with his feigned frustration and persistent questions may have just been secretly jealous of our fun.

I now know that you can't have your dog on the grass, but the frustrated monologue that ensued spelled it all out for me.

"How old are you?"

-26-

"You all must have such impressionable minds to be so easily swayed into doing something like this, you don't know if they're going to harm you, how do you know you can trust them?"

she looked at me like I was an absolute moron to think that this might be fun, let alone quite exhilarating. I have far too many experience dealing with stone faced NY natives. Each day I deliver their packages on time, but never soon enough for them. Don't bother to crack a joke, they hate comedy. Politeness doesn't count for much either, they look at me disdainfully as though I were the very pile my dog had just left. Disdain, disdain, disdain, potato.

-I looked into the previous years experiments and figured I was in for a similar, safe experience worth a good story later. The email I received stated that it was suitable for all ages-

"well you disturbed these people in the park, there were frightened kids crying ."
(I didn't see anyone that was even remotely displeased but the park patrol)

-That shouldn't be, officer, children were allowed to participate as well-

Her partner continued to ask questions about the hows and whys of Mp3 Experiment IV, so I gave him the gist of it without giving any real information about the coordinators (I didn't find out who they were until afterwards anyway).

They continued to give me flack for the event's lack of a permit and repeated that we were disturbing the other park attendants and my dog is disgusting being in a park where people lay out and eat, and we were foolish to think this thing with the podcast in the park was a good idea. Apparently we fragile-minded types aren't allowed to enjoy parks, though I don't recall that on the park rules sign I read as I left the park, if only I had learned to read in school I'd know better than to go to parks or mindlessly listen to strange mp3's. Didn't your mom ever tell you not take Mp3's from strangers?

What seemed like five years later, IE's co-coordinator, Agent Schafer came over and asked why were being fined, but sensing that his persistent photographer was making matters worse, he politely stepped back while occasionally watching over us from afar. The female officer continued to trascribe The Old Testament, New Testament and War and Peace on my ticket.

After I was handed the ticket I was relieved to see that we merely owed a still-ridiculous $50, the "$200" was the maximum fine, which we were spared.

We broke away and met Agent Schafer and the "omnipotent Steve," (aka Ben Folds Fake, the IE's founder), who graciously paid our ticket after we discussed what had happened less than five feet from a puzzled group of Patrol Officers. No money lost or taken, we walked off with the ticket and cash to pay it; our souvenir and "arbitrary prize that we will never receive."

First Blog

2007-08-11T09:03:00.000-07:00

I'm Glenn, half of the bro/sis T-shirt artist duo Spitting Image.
I live in Brooklyn, NY with my wife Chel, and our dog Mini.
Amy lives in Milwaukee, WI, where we are from, with her boyfriend Marty.

We come from a family of artists, our grandpa Eugene was a jazz saxophonist, like me, our dad is a drummer, like me, and a metal sculptor/welding artist, and our mom used to be an interior designer. I write, record, produce music on various instruments, and Amy is an illustrator who has photography, sculpting, painting, and other media skills.
We both dropped out of our respective art schools a few years back and fell into JOBS.

I am a deisel truck driver, sort of. not the eighteen wheel type, my truck has 6. My job is like show King of Queens, only I'm skinny and I deliver in Brooklyn.
Amy's job is not unlike the show The Office.

I just wanted to write an introductory blog, it's time to get back to the screen I'm almost done burning for a new shirt, so I'll end it here.